the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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