Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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