So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
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And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
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On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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