I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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