I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
