And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
