WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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