I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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