Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize