now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
