so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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