I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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