i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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