I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
