I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
