'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
