My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
