Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
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And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
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I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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