this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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