On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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