I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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