My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize