The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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