Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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