If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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