she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
We need to get me chipped asap
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
