woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize