Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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