Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
