all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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