Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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