About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
