hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
