she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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