Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
