my vag is so smooth its legendary
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I would ride that face into the sunset
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize