wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
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