She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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