Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
