My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
