I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
