I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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