put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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