Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
