Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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