Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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