just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
