I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
