Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
