4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
