I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
If I die, sorry about rent.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
