i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Randomize
