after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
