This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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