I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
