ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
