eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
