i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I came so hard my ears popped.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
