I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
