she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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