Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
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It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
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I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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