Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
