pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
