you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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