nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I want to be your penis for a week.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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