It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
