I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
