I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
