i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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