I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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