Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
