We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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