i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
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