Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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