i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
