the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
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All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
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Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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